To Deprive of Life
by zippdipp
Summary: In 'Bloody Mary', Sam volunteered to be the one to trap Mary in the mirror because he could have prevented the death of Jess. Still, when Mary showed herself, Dean's eyes also bled...


**To deprive of life**

_Disclaimer: Don't own Supernatural  
__Author's Note: This is dedicated to Eva & Athena  
__**This is my take on why Dean's eyes were bleeding in Bloody Mary**_

You never meant to kill him.

Your name is Dean Winchester, and you're 24 years old. You grew up on the road. Travelling between towns and suburbs with your younger brother Sam and your father John. You used to have a mother once. She died in a fire when you were almost five years old. Your dad has been hunting the thing that killed her ever since.

You dropped out of school when you were 16. You got good grades without too much of an effort. You're a bit of a wiseass and naturally charming. When you took your S.A.T.'s, your high scores surprised your guidance counsellor. If you had wanted it, you probably could have scored a full ride to college on a financial scholarship.

But you didn't want to leave your family.

Two years ago, your brother left to go to college. Your dad told him to stay gone, and so far, he has. You've called him and he sometimes calls you. It's hard to find something to say. Mostly you talk about girls and guns.

You are often on your own. You have no close friends. Your dad will often leave you for weeks at a time. It took a year before you got used to it. In the beginning you thought you might actually be going mad, but after a while you learned to cope.

When you're alone, you spend your time during the day working out. Sometimes you run a mile, or five. Other times you find a gym. You eat two meals a day; breakfast and dinner. Sometimes you forget breakfast and have to stop for lunch. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to concentrate while doing research. You spend a few hours online checking the newspapers. Your dad has divided the country in two. Before Sam left, the country was divided into three parts.

You know which states you are supposed to keep an eye on.

If you find something interesting, you'll call your dad. You'll discuss it for a few minutes. Sometimes it only takes a few questions from your dad for you to realise that there's nothing supernatural about it. Other times it is pretty obvious that there is something going on. Depending on the result of your discussion, you'll either decide to leave it, do more re-search or start packing.

This time you start packing. You clean out the fridge and turn off the heat and light in the apartment. You ward it against evil before you close the front door. On your way out you meet your next-door neighbour and you ask if she can keep an eye on the apartment while you're gone. She has never met Sam, and you know you'll probably never see her again. You and your dad have stayed in the building long enough to get two new credit cards, and you both know it is time to move on.

You've parked your car by the curb. It's in need of a wash, but you've been tired lately and postponed it, and now it's too late to do anything about it. You turn the key and it starts at once. She's never let you down. Before you gear into 'drive' you let your forehead rest on the steering wheel for a second or two. You breathe in deeply and wish that your dad and brother were with you.

You drive slowly past a group of girls, and their heads turns towards you. You're not sure if it's you or the car they're looking at, and to be honest you don't really care.

You drive for ten hours that day. In the beginning you're listening to Metallica and Ratt. When it gets darker, you turn on the radio. You'll listen to the radio for hours. You like listening to the radio. The voices soothe you

Just before midnight you drive past a motel that has a 24-hour service. You decide to get a room, but instead of going to bed, you cross the highway and enter a bar. Inside, the clientele is busy getting shit faced and you decide to join them.

You order a beer and walk up to a worn down pool table. There are three guys standing around it. They all seem to be around Sam's age. You watch them for a while before one of them asks if you want to join them in a game. You get a cue and play against a guy with brown curly hair; he says his name is James. You give him your name and it produces a bit of laughter. James is good, but you're better. You could have easily won the first game but you don't. It's a hustling habit. One of James friends buys you a beer and you start the next game.

You let James win that one too. The guy that bought you the beer bets $50 on James winning the third game. This time you don't let James win.

After the third game is over, you need to take a piss. You're only gone three minutes, but by the time you're back, James and his friends are gone. You buy yourself another beer and hang out by the pool table. It doesn't take long before some big ugly biker joins you. You decide to play for money. You bet $20 of the money you just won off James' friend. You loose the first game, but you win the next one. After about an hour, you've won almost $250, and there's a little crowd gathered around you. Most of them seem to be friends of the biker. The biker asks for one last game, a chance to win his money back. You're a con man and a gambler, but you're not stupid. The biker is almost as good at pool as you, and you need the money. You call it a night and walk away.

The fight begins quickly.

The biker lowers his head like a bull and charges at you. You manage to step to the side just in time and catch him in a headlock. You hold him tight and punch him in the nose. Still holding the biker in a headlock, you punch him again and again. Someone jumps you from behind. Arms snake around you, wrapping you in a bear hug. You're trapped. You drop the biker and focus on the guy behind you. Your heart is beating against your chest and you reel your head back. Your skull crashes into his nose. Another guy takes a swing at you and you duck out of the way. More are coming at you. You panic. In the corner of your eye you see someone coming out of the crowd and your reaction is pure instinct. He reaches for you but you move away. He puts his hand on your shoulder and you try to break free. That is when you reach out and grab his neck. There is blood in your eyes. All you see is the brown curly hair obscuring his face. Just like Sam wears his hair.

Did he pull you or did you push him? Did one of you stumble on the biker lying unconscious on the floor? Did the blood on the floor make it more slippery? You'll flash back to this moment many times as time goes by, but the answer will never be clear. Either way, you both fall.

Both of your hands are on his neck and you don't let go. You land with a crash. The back of his head hits the stone floor with a crack.

Everything stops. You stare down. His eyes are open, unblinking, you know already. You've seen dead people before. People scatter, and you realise you might be in serious trouble. You get up. Cast one last glance at the young man you shook hands with just hours before. Then you run.

Later, you'll learn that his whole name is James D. Fieldman. He was 21 years old and died while trying to break up a fight in a bar.

And you're the one who killed him.

**The End**

Feedback would be nice:-)


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